My first counseling session with a psychologist

2025-Jun-09

Last week, I had my first face-to-face counseling session with a psychologist. Previously, I had only met psychologists during psych tests or through chat-based consultation platforms.

To be honest, this session had been postponed for quite some time. All this while I was actually the one encouraging friends to go to therapy when they needed it. I would always feel genuinely happy when my friends had smooth progress with their therapy or counseling sessions.

But of course, that doesn’t apply to ourselves, hahaha.

“Oh, I can handle all of this on my own.” That was always my mantra. I tried to sort things out by myself, failed again, got stressed, tried again, failed again… and the cycle repeated itself.

I won’t go into too much detail because it’s private, but it’s mainly about my struggle with managing life in a way that has impacted my mind.

As expected, things that are left unattended for too long eventually explode like a time bomb. The consequences were clear: it disrupted my daily life and also strained my relationships with the people who matter most.

Yesterday may have been the biggest mental breakdown I’ve had in the last two years.

So, When Should You See a Psychologist?

There were many reasons why I kept delaying seeing a psychologist.

“No time” or “no money” were the usual excuses. I also thought venting to friends was enough—as long as I felt calmer afterward. But in truth, all of that was just a mental block.

A subtle, invisible fear was holding me back. I kept pushing it to the very back of my priority list. When things calmed down, I’d think I didn’t need help. When problems came back, I’d think about it again—but not necessarily take action.

In the end, I decided to go to a psychologist because:

“Do I need to see a psychologist?”

According to my friend, that thought alone is already valid. It wasn’t enough to push me into action, but it was enough to validate that yes, I probably did need counseling.

Feeling stuck and confused

At one point, I just felt totally lost; I had no idea what to do. I’m not the type to bottle things up, so I turned to my friends to vent and find relief. It helped, but it didn’t solve anything.

It felt like a stuck loop. If I didn’t do something, nothing would change—and I didn’t even know where to start. So I decided to ask a professional.

It disrupted my daily functioning

I couldn’t focus, work felt harder than usual, and even with free time, I didn’t know what to do with it.

At certain times, I had headaches and tightness in my chest. My acid reflux flared up. A single trigger could make me tremble for several minutes.

Once I started feeling these physical symptoms, I knew it was time to book a session.

Preparing to Choose a Psychologist

Since I was already mentally overwhelmed at the time, a friend suggested I do some journaling.

So for 3–4 days, I tracked how I was doing, using a simple format:

• Day and date
• What happened that day
• My emotional response
• My physical response

I used a digital app (hello, Obsidian) and documented it in a markdown file. Then I cheated a bit, used AI to help brainstorm.

Why? Because I wasn’t functioning at full capacity at that time haha. I fed the journaling data in and asked what I could say to the psychologist as an opening. I then deleted parts that didn’t feel right and edited the rest to better fit my own voice.

Booking and Filling Out the Registration Form

I chose a University Clinic near my office. Booking was easy, just an online form.

Before booking, I checked their Instagram to look at the list of psychologists and their specialties. Since choosing the right psychologist is a very personal thing, I tried to narrow it down even though the info was limited.

Once I had a name in mind, I filled out the form.

The form itself was quite detailed but easy and user-friendly. At the end, you’re asked to describe the issue you want to consult about and your goals for the session.

That’s where my summary came in handy! No need to think, I just filled it in.

It turned out not all psychologists were available for in-person sessions. Some only offer online consultations through video calls. The psychologist I chose happened to be online-only, but the system was practical and showed available time slots right away.

The consultation fee was IDR 200,000, paid upfront. As a first-time client, I also had to pay an admin fee of IDR 35,000.

After payment, I received a receipt. Reminders and the meeting link were sent via email and WhatsApp the day before. Neat!

My session was scheduled for 6:30 PM, so I just waited for the next day.

The Counseling Experience

Each session lasts 60 minutes, and if needed, continues into a second session.

My mind was still a mess, and I was nervous because my brain wouldn’t stop making assumptions. But once the screen opened and I saw my counselor’s face, I felt calmer.

We had a brief introduction, then moved on to a few questions. In my opinion, honesty and openness are key so the psychologist can understand your condition clearly.

Filling out the form in detail really helped. While looking at my psychologist on Zoom, I also opened my journal and notes so I wouldn’t forget what to say.

At the start, I was asked what I hoped to get out of the session. My goal was to feel calmer and regain the ability to function and communicate clearly to solve problems.

My psychologist gave me some reminders and helped identify the core issues. Well, when I’m doing okay, I usually know what to do. But in panic mode, my brain just shuts down. (Not to mention I kept crying midway lol.)

Initially, I thought my problem was A. But after talking it through, it turned out the real issue was B.

I’d been stuck on A for so long that I felt like I wasn’t making any progress. But once B was uncovered, I shifted my perspective and started to understand what was really happening.

My psychologist also reminded me that the healing process isn’t a straight upward line. When setbacks happen, we can pause—but as long as we keep going, it’s still part of progress.

Hehe, a helpful reminder for a perfectionist like me who wants everything to be ideal 🥲

The session went smoothly, even went a little over by five minutes for closing remarks.

We bid our goodbyes—and as I had hoped—I felt much calmer after the session. A magic, I thought.

A Good First-Time Experience

Everyone has different criteria for the “right” psychologist.

I chose someone who didn’t seem that much older than me—because I was afraid I’d get scolded if I picked someone older 🤣 Maybe that’s just my own projection, but hey, it worked hahaha.

A psychologist’s role isn’t to “fix” you, but to accompany you. The one who heals your mind and heart is yourself.

That’s an important thing to remember when deciding to seek help, so we don’t put all the responsibility on the psychologist.

According to my psychologist yesterday, the goal of a psychologist is to guide you toward independence. If a client has to see them repeatedly without progress, it may mean the therapy needs to be re-evaluated, or they need to be referred elsewhere.

All in all, I’m grateful I made the decision to see a psychologist. After gaining a new perspective, reframing my thoughts, and receiving actionable suggestions, my focus has improved significantly.

It’s been a few days, and my mental state feels more stable 😙

Of course, there’s no such thing as instant change—just like my psychologist said. But I’m hopeful. And thanks to this pleasant first experience, I won’t hesitate to seek help again if I ever need it.

Many thanks to the psychologist at PIP Clinic Unpad for their help, to my friends and family for their encouragement—and most of all, to myself, for taking that first brave step 🩷

See you in the next story,

Mega

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